Making Memories & Letting Go

We did eventually get out the door for that camping trip I spoke of in my last post. We came back the next night. In the dark, in the rain, in a hurry. We did have some fun though. During the short, drizzling, not-completely-pouring-down-rain-breaks, the boys got to do some bike riding. Justin never did get to go fishing, even once. We did a lot of reading. Under cover. Good thing I brought school books for the boys (we're still finishing up our curriculum for the school year). They were especially pleased about that. Still, we created special memories.

Justin, being the sweet, amazing father that he is, wanted to create some more special memories for the boys, so he woke the boys & I up bright & early (9 am!!!! That's like the middle of the night for us, with Justin's late work schedule) on Saturday & took us to the local fish hatchery. It was supposed be a kids' fishing day there, with lots of fish just eagerly waiting to be caught. No one notified the fish of this apparently. There were lots of people there, but no one seemed to be catching anything. But it was still a nice time just being together.

This morning, after a completely sleepless night, I sent Seth off to high school Church Camp. I am pretty much a wreck & I am not sure why. We are fairly new to our church & I don't know the counselors that well. But they seem to be a pretty good group of people, with connections to other good people that I know. There's about a 3 to 1 ratio of counselors & kids. I gave the counselors a quite thorough list of instructions (and I applaud them for nodding & smiling politely while I explained it all) about a small medical condition Seth has recently been diagnosed with. I made Seth recite to me, several times, when he would put on his sunscreen & bug spray & take his pill, etc.... Daddy had the "respect girls" talk with him last night. This isn't even Seth's first year going away to camp for a week. It's just that it's high school camp this time. I guess. I don't know. And it's like 8 hours away. His old camp was only 3 hours away. I really don't know what is wrong with me. I think maybe I am just sensing the end is near, for being able to mother him. Maybe this is a stage of letting go. Yup. I think that's what it is, cuz I'm tearing up at the words, "letting go". I logically knew, when I first held him in my arms, that I couldn't keep him forever. But I chose not to think about it. Now I only have a few more years with him. I know how fast that time will go by. This is just a week. Soon, it will be forever. I guess this is just kind of symbolic for me. Poor Seth. He just wants to become.....Seth. Have his own life, his own fun, his own identity. He can kind of see how hard this is for me, due to how I've been tearing up every 5 minutes for the past week. He rolls his eyes, pats me on the head & says, "Oh, Mom." When I dropped him off at the bus this morning, I walked him into the church. He was man enough to give his ole mom a quick little side hug.....in front of his friends even!  I didn't cry in front of his friends & embarrass him (no more than my mere presence was already embarrassing him, anyway). Seth said, "It's OK if you leave now, Mom." So, I pretended to leave, went outside & frantically went around asking his counselors for their cell numbers & typing them into my phone so that I can bug them should I have a panic attack at some point. Then, and only then, did I leave. And cried all the way home. I keep wondering if my feelings are normal & healthy, or if there is something wrong with me. No one told me how hard this letting go thing would be. Friends keep telling me it gets easier. I hope that's true. But I do know that he's such an amazing kid & that I can't wait to see who he becomes. That is, if he doesn't drown this week..........or get skin cancer & die because he forgets to put on his sunscreen........or if he forgets his bug spray & gets the West Nile Virus......or..........

Bright & early Saturday morning. Not everyone was wide awake yet.

Gideon making the best of it.

Thrilled about making family memories at the crack of dawn.

As I was taking this pic, Titus said, "Happy Birthday, Mom." very sweetly. I have no idea why. He might have been sleep walking.

Jarod after riding his bike in the rain during camping: he was quite proud of his mud stain. He wanted me to post it to facebook & say he'd had diarrhea. Charming.

We did a lot of this.

And this.

Daddy makin' memories at the hatchery.

Good morning, Sunshine!