The Terrible Twos

During the course of my 15 years being a mother, I have jokingly and lovingly referenced, to different people,  my toddlers as being in their "terrible twos". I have gotten a bit of flack in response to that. I've been told, "Gasp! It's not the terrible twos! It the terrific twos! It's the wonderful twos! It's the sweet & adorable twos!" Yes, yes, yes....those things are true. But there's a REASON it's called "the terrible twos".

Take, for example, my little Isaac. In the morning, when he wakes up, he might smile at me sweetly, climb out of his toddler bed & up into my bed to snuggle me. (His bed is next to mine because that's the way I do things. Don't judge me.) He might wrap his little arm around my neck & kiss my nose & say,
"I love you, Mom."
Me: "I love you two, Isaac."
Isaac: "Oh YEAH?? I love you three!"
Me: "Oh YEAH?? I love you four!"
Isaac: "Oh YEAH?? I love you five!"
Me: "Oh YEAH?? I love you six!"
Isaac: "Oh YEAHHHH??? I love you seven!"
ME: "Oh YEAH? I love you eight!"
Isaac: "Oh YEAH? I love you three!"
Me: "Oh YEAH?? I love you four." (Trying to put the numbers back in order.)
Isaac: "Oh YEAH?? I love you nine!" (Hey. Don't laugh. Can YOUR toddler skip count to seven? Didn't think so.)

OR.....in the morning, he might wake up, peek his head up over the side of my bed to scowl at me and say, "I hate you, Mom." and flop back down on his pillow with indignance that I had dared to smile at him. To which I respond in my mature-mommy way, pretending to be very hurt. Practicing for all the future mommy-guilt trips, I start to do my fake crying bit. He jumps back up to my bed & says, "I sorry, Mom!" THEN come the snuggles and kisses, followed by:

Isaac: "I want Diego."
Me: (I get up out of bed to put Diego on for him.)
Isaac: "Wait. I don't like Diego."
Me: "What do you want to watch?"
Isaac: "Ummmmmmmmm............I waaaaaaant........UmiZoomie!"
Me: "OK. Here's UmiZoomie."
Isaac: "Wait. I don't like UmiZoomie."
Me: "Sigh. OK. What do you want?"
Isaac: "Hmmmmmmmmmmm..................I like Wonder Pets."
Me: "OK."
Isaac: "Wait. I don't like Wonder Pets."
Me: "What. Do. You. WANT."
Isaac: "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..............I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant DIEGO!"
Me: "OK. Here's Diego."
Isaac: "I hate Diego."
Me: "OK. No TV."
Isaac: "I want Diego!!!!!"
Me: "Say please."
Isaac: "Buuuhhlllleeeeeeeeeeezzzze?"
Me: "OK. Here's Diego."
Isaac: "YEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!!!"

Nap time goes something like this:

Me: "Isaac! It's time for nap!"
Isaac: "I HATE nap!" and runs into the bedroom. His escape plan is somehow flawed.
Me: "Do you want a baba?"
(I still give him a sippy cup with milk at nap time, but not at bed time. I know, BAD mommy! BAD! I just quit nursing him a few months ago! He's still my baby, OK? Don't judge me. Don't worry, I brush his teeth a lot.)
Isaac: " I hate my baba!"
Me: "OK. Get in bed. No baba."
Isaac: "I want baba!!!!"
Me: "OK. Here's your baba. Get in bed."
Isaac: "I don't like get in my bed."
Me: "Do you want to snuggle mama?"
Isaac: "I don't like-a-snuggle mama."
Me: "OK. Get in your bed."
Isaac: "I wanna snuggle you!!!"
Me: "OK. Come snuggle mama."
Isaac (snuggling mama): "I don't like go-to-sleeeeeeeeep!!!"
Me: "I know, baby. Close your eyes."
Isaac: "I don't like-a close my eyes. I hate my baba!"
Me: "OK. I'll put your baba over here for now."
Isaac: "I want my babaaaaaa!!!"
Me: "What do you say?"
Isaac: "Buuuuuuhhhhlllleeeeeeeeeeezzze?"
Me: "OK. Here. Close your eyes."
Isaac: "Heeeheeeheee (literally....he says "heehee"). I love you, Mommy." Snugglesnugglesnuggle.....

Going potty:

I try to help Isaac put the potty seat on the toilet.
Isaac: "I do it myself."
Me: "OK. You do it."
Isaac tries for a minute. Then: "Will you do it, Mommy?"
Me: "Sure, honey."

Picking out clean big-boy underpants:

Isaac: "I want Diego pants."
Me: "Those are all dirty. How about the buggie pants?"
Isaac: "I HATE the buggie pants!!!"
Me: "How about the SpiderMan pants?"
Isaac: "I don't like the SpiderMan pants."
Me: "OOOOO!!!! I know! How about Buzz LightYear pants?"
Isaac: "I hate the Buzz LightYear pants. I want Diego pants."
Me: "The Diego Pants are dirty. How about the....."
Isaac: "WAIT! I want the buggie pants!"
Me: "OK. Do you want mommy to help you?"
Isaac: "I DO IT!"
Me: "OK.".....................................................
.................................................................................
.................................................................................
Isaac: "Mommy, will you help me?"
Me: "What do you say?"
Isaac: "Bleese."
Me: "OK."
Isaac: "Thank you, Mommy. One little pooty (counting his feet while he puts his legs in the holes), two little pooties......"

Snack time:

Isaac: "I want a nana."
Me: "OK." Open banana & hand it to him.
Isaac: "I hate a'nana!!!" .................

I agree......"terrible" is a little too strong of an adjective. Maybe we can compromise. Instead, maybe we should call it the "completely-opposite-of-everything-mommy-says-twos" or the "I-do-it-myself-twos" or the "I-love-you-I-hate-you-I-want-it-I-don't-like-it-twos", as well as the "terrific, sweet & adorable twos", although that would be quite the mouthful. To put it more simply, yet accurately, maybe it should be the "Trying & Terrific Twos"..........and I wouldn't change a minute of it. 

                                     Me: "Are you my baby?"
                                     Isaac: "No. I  Isaac."
                                     Me: "Oooohhh. OK, my Isaac."
                                     Isaac: "Mommy?"
                                     Me: "What, Isaac?"
                                     Isaac: "I you baby."
                                     Me: "You're my BABY? Oh good."