The Culprits

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Nasal Object Extraction 101

Today consisted of school lessons, girl-cousins visiting, a bead pulled from a terrific two year old's nose, more picture fun with my cam wow app & lots of giggles resulting from said fun with cam wow app. Those were just the highlights, of course. Yes. A bead. I am an expert bead-from-nose-extractor, didn't you know? Isaac came to me and started yelling at me hysterically, to "take it OUT, Mama! Take it OUT!!!" He was so anxious to have it removed, I thought that just maybe he might hold still while I worked on him. HAHAHA! Oh, sorry. When the holding still thing didn't work, I swaddled him in his old baby blankie, with his arms pinned down. I had Seth hold down his legs, to prevent thrashing & avoid nasal injuries. His scream changed to, "Leddeee down, Mama! Leddeee DOWN!!!" I used a pimple popper to extract the bead. Hey, don't knock it! It has that nice small, curved, NON-SHARP, tip.....unlike big, bulky, sharp tweezers, which tend to push an object further into the nostril. I was able to get gently behind the bead & push it forward and out in under 10 seconds!!! I am just that good. Isaac giggled happily about his vacant nostril....... then promptly yelled at me to, "Give it back, Mama!!! Give it BACK." I did not. Other stuff happened today too. Feeding kids. Comforting kids. Settling kids' fights. Practicing for a gig on Friday. I'm singing lead in the 2nd set. Aaaack! Excited! Scared. Mostly excited. And scared. Feeding kids. Comforting kids. Settling fights. Yup. That's it. Oh. And poorly constructed blog sentence fragments. The usual.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

The Terrible Twos

During the course of my 15 years being a mother, I have jokingly and lovingly referenced, to different people,  my toddlers as being in their "terrible twos". I have gotten a bit of flack in response to that. I've been told, "Gasp! It's not the terrible twos! It the terrific twos! It's the wonderful twos! It's the sweet & adorable twos!" Yes, yes, yes....those things are true. But there's a REASON it's called "the terrible twos".

Take, for example, my little Isaac. In the morning, when he wakes up, he might smile at me sweetly, climb out of his toddler bed & up into my bed to snuggle me. (His bed is next to mine because that's the way I do things. Don't judge me.) He might wrap his little arm around my neck & kiss my nose & say,
"I love you, Mom."
Me: "I love you two, Isaac."
Isaac: "Oh YEAH?? I love you three!"
Me: "Oh YEAH?? I love you four!"
Isaac: "Oh YEAH?? I love you five!"
Me: "Oh YEAH?? I love you six!"
Isaac: "Oh YEAHHHH??? I love you seven!"
ME: "Oh YEAH? I love you eight!"
Isaac: "Oh YEAH? I love you three!"
Me: "Oh YEAH?? I love you four." (Trying to put the numbers back in order.)
Isaac: "Oh YEAH?? I love you nine!" (Hey. Don't laugh. Can YOUR toddler skip count to seven? Didn't think so.) the morning, he might wake up, peek his head up over the side of my bed to scowl at me and say, "I hate you, Mom." and flop back down on his pillow with indignance that I had dared to smile at him. To which I respond in my mature-mommy way, pretending to be very hurt. Practicing for all the future mommy-guilt trips, I start to do my fake crying bit. He jumps back up to my bed & says, "I sorry, Mom!" THEN come the snuggles and kisses, followed by:

Isaac: "I want Diego."
Me: (I get up out of bed to put Diego on for him.)
Isaac: "Wait. I don't like Diego."
Me: "What do you want to watch?"
Isaac: "Ummmmmmmmm............I waaaaaaant........UmiZoomie!"
Me: "OK. Here's UmiZoomie."
Isaac: "Wait. I don't like UmiZoomie."
Me: "Sigh. OK. What do you want?"
Isaac: "Hmmmmmmmmmmm..................I like Wonder Pets."
Me: "OK."
Isaac: "Wait. I don't like Wonder Pets."
Me: "What. Do. You. WANT."
Isaac: "Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..............I waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant DIEGO!"
Me: "OK. Here's Diego."
Isaac: "I hate Diego."
Me: "OK. No TV."
Isaac: "I want Diego!!!!!"
Me: "Say please."
Isaac: "Buuuhhlllleeeeeeeeeeezzzze?"
Me: "OK. Here's Diego."

Nap time goes something like this:

Me: "Isaac! It's time for nap!"
Isaac: "I HATE nap!" and runs into the bedroom. His escape plan is somehow flawed.
Me: "Do you want a baba?"
(I still give him a sippy cup with milk at nap time, but not at bed time. I know, BAD mommy! BAD! I just quit nursing him a few months ago! He's still my baby, OK? Don't judge me. Don't worry, I brush his teeth a lot.)
Isaac: " I hate my baba!"
Me: "OK. Get in bed. No baba."
Isaac: "I want baba!!!!"
Me: "OK. Here's your baba. Get in bed."
Isaac: "I don't like get in my bed."
Me: "Do you want to snuggle mama?"
Isaac: "I don't like-a-snuggle mama."
Me: "OK. Get in your bed."
Isaac: "I wanna snuggle you!!!"
Me: "OK. Come snuggle mama."
Isaac (snuggling mama): "I don't like go-to-sleeeeeeeeep!!!"
Me: "I know, baby. Close your eyes."
Isaac: "I don't like-a close my eyes. I hate my baba!"
Me: "OK. I'll put your baba over here for now."
Isaac: "I want my babaaaaaa!!!"
Me: "What do you say?"
Isaac: "Buuuuuuhhhhlllleeeeeeeeeeezzze?"
Me: "OK. Here. Close your eyes."
Isaac: "Heeeheeeheee (literally....he says "heehee"). I love you, Mommy." Snugglesnugglesnuggle.....

Going potty:

I try to help Isaac put the potty seat on the toilet.
Isaac: "I do it myself."
Me: "OK. You do it."
Isaac tries for a minute. Then: "Will you do it, Mommy?"
Me: "Sure, honey."

Picking out clean big-boy underpants:

Isaac: "I want Diego pants."
Me: "Those are all dirty. How about the buggie pants?"
Isaac: "I HATE the buggie pants!!!"
Me: "How about the SpiderMan pants?"
Isaac: "I don't like the SpiderMan pants."
Me: "OOOOO!!!! I know! How about Buzz LightYear pants?"
Isaac: "I hate the Buzz LightYear pants. I want Diego pants."
Me: "The Diego Pants are dirty. How about the....."
Isaac: "WAIT! I want the buggie pants!"
Me: "OK. Do you want mommy to help you?"
Isaac: "I DO IT!"
Me: "OK.".....................................................
Isaac: "Mommy, will you help me?"
Me: "What do you say?"
Isaac: "Bleese."
Me: "OK."
Isaac: "Thank you, Mommy. One little pooty (counting his feet while he puts his legs in the holes), two little pooties......"

Snack time:

Isaac: "I want a nana."
Me: "OK." Open banana & hand it to him.
Isaac: "I hate a'nana!!!" .................

I agree......"terrible" is a little too strong of an adjective. Maybe we can compromise. Instead, maybe we should call it the "completely-opposite-of-everything-mommy-says-twos" or the "I-do-it-myself-twos" or the "I-love-you-I-hate-you-I-want-it-I-don't-like-it-twos", as well as the "terrific, sweet & adorable twos", although that would be quite the mouthful. To put it more simply, yet accurately, maybe it should be the "Trying & Terrific Twos"..........and I wouldn't change a minute of it. 

                                     Me: "Are you my baby?"
                                     Isaac: "No. I  Isaac."
                                     Me: "Oooohhh. OK, my Isaac."
                                     Isaac: "Mommy?"
                                     Me: "What, Isaac?"
                                     Isaac: "I you baby."
                                     Me: "You're my BABY? Oh good."

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Boy Crazy Academy Entertains Special Guests

Yesterday, cousins Abigail & Olivia came over to visit. The girls begged to "do school" with us, so I let them. They are all wearing hats in the picture because the language lesson had a poem in it about a boy with a frog in his hat. We made dogs, cats and frogs. Then we put them in our hats. Yup.

The five little children were SO well behaved & studious, I must say.

The older kids? Mmmm....not so much.

                                                      This was their recess time.

          I love our tree. It is beautiful and ever-growing. All of the older boys have grown up climbing in it. It was much smaller when we first moved into this house ten years ago. This tree has taken a lot of abuse: kids climbing in it, swinging from it, kids hitting it with bats, kids breaking it's branches, but it keeps on growing. It keeps on providing a lovely & enormous shade for my back yard. I love to sit in my reclining camp chair, under its shade, to read my book & listen to my children playing. There are so many good memories attached to that tree, it almost feels like part of the family. If we ever can afford to move into a bigger house, I will miss our tree immensely.

Abigail is taking monkey lessons from her cousins.

        God made dirt & dirt don't hurt. (Especially Titus. He doesn't even let it touch him.)
                                             OK. That's obviously not entirely true.

Note the cleanliness of Titus, even though he is allowing himself to play in the MUD.
Olivia is good for Titus.
However, I'm pretty sure he is without a shirt because he'd gotten a couple drops of water splashed on it & one simply cannot have that! No shirt is better than a microscopically wet shirt!

                                Ya-ya does LOVE her mud pies!!!

                                                    Auntie Heather LOVES Ya-ya.

This is Isaac: the orneriest boy on the face of the Earth.
He is also one of the six cutest.
He is almost a "big boy" now, but I am in constant denial about that.
I'll let you know when he is not my baby any more.

Ya-ya & Titus LOVE Sethy!!!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Attack of the Man-Boy-Aliens

Seth turned 15 years old on the 31st. Just as in my last blog post, regarding Titus' birthday, I have decided not to blog about my feelings on this matter. I might start crying........and never stop. Seth wanted doughnuts instead of cake. Grandma gave him a very nice Ipod. Great Grandma sent him some birthday money. He wants an electric guitar from us, for which we are still searching Craig's List. 
Suffice it to say, if he would like to go back to being THIS age, I would be just fine with that.                

Now he is a big, GIANT, part-man, part-boy, part-alien, whom I hardly recognize anymore. He has big, giant, boy-man-alien friends, who eat a lot of food ( that was probably mostly due to the deliciousness of my burritos)......................
.............make a lot of bad smells (also because of my burritos), laugh loudly, talk about girls when they think I'm not listening................
.....................and try to kill each other at overnight birthday parties hosted in my house. 

It should be noted that, while Seth & his friends may all be man-sized & man-smelling, they DO giggle like little girls when it is 4 o'clock in the morning.

They gave Seth some lovely gifts that would please any Man-Boy-Alien: a gift card to Subway, a CD, $20 cash, a movie DVD and a butterfly knife, with which he has become quite adept at flipping around. No phalanges have been severed as of yet. One buddy gave him a giant, handy, metal & red clip that could probably attach an entire house onto his belt loop if the need ever arose. Yup. Handy.

No story here really. Counter was dirty. Told Jarod to wash it. He recruited Isaac. Thought it was cute. Took a picture.

We tried to go camping today. I stayed up till the early morning hours, pre-planning my menu (being on a diet while camping is a PAIN). We spent the whole first part of the day packing up the camper. We finally got everyone ready and loaded up into the Suburban, drove about 10 miles, and then came back home. The Suburban was having some issues. Justin spent the rest of the day trying to figure out what those issues were. We still don't know exactly what the problem is, but I know he'll figure it out. He's pretty amazing like that.

Jarod was a little bit happy that we stayed home tonight. There was an 80's party for the middle school kids at our church tonight. He had thought he would miss it because we were going camping, but when we came home, he got his hopes up about maybe being able to go after all. Justin was thinking that it would only take him an hour or so to fix the car, but he was wrong.

 Jarod was VERY disappointed that he couldn't go to the party.
He was the saddest little 80's rock star you ever saw!!
I took a picture of his costume & texted it to his youth leader. He texted back and promised to give Jarod a coupon for a coffee drink at our church's coffee bar, for having such an awesome costume. Yes, our church is that awesome and, yes, Jarod is allowed to drink coffee sometimes, because he's old enough. I think he might also be trying to turn into a Man-Boy-Alien as well. *sigh*
                                                Now he's a happy rock star.
                                                 Will we go camping this week? Stay tuned...............