The Culprits

Friday, October 19, 2012

Code Name: Operation Mom

I probably don't need to say much about this picture, since it's fairly self-explanatory if you look closely. I'm sure you see things like this all the time. However, as the reader, you might like a little clarification.

I had just finished playing keyboard, earlier this evening, with our church's Celebrate Recovery Band. I was sitting next to a girlfriend, listening to a great speaker giving a moving testimony, when I got a phone call (my phone was on vibrate, lest you think I am some heathen who forgets to turn her ringer off during church) from the preacher's wife. I knew this was likely a bad thing because she was teaching the kids' class. My kids' kids' class. I snuck out of service & went to see who might be bleeding profusely this time. It was Titus (boy #5), but there was no blood anywhere. His teacher said, "Come take a look." I thought, since there was no blood, that there might be some internal injury, so I readied myself to start checking his pupil dilation for signs of concussion. It was an internal problem alright....but not in the way I had thought. Yes, you read the incident report correctly. Yes, he had torn a little piece of rubber off of his shoe. Yes, he had placed it into his ear canal. Why had he done this, you ask? Well, because, you see, he had torn a little piece of rubber off of his shoe. The classroom was out of trash cans (I can only assume) and he didn't know what to do. Then, it suddenly dawned on him that he had just the thing! He had a very convenient, very tiny hole, in his very own head, that the little piece of torn shoe rubber would fit into perfectly! (It makes sense when you think about it.) But it didn't end up being the enjoyable experience he had thought it would. He was fairly upset & panicked when I got to him. First, I tried to pry it gently out with the curve of a paper clip. Wouldn't budge. I was afraid to really dig around in there & either hurt his ear, or shove the rubber chunk further in. I was desperately trying to avoid an annoying hours-long visit to the ER. I've had my fair share of those. They've lost their charm. I try to "fix things" myself as much as possible, if it's not a broken bone, or some life threatening thing. Butterfly bandages have saved us big bucks in ER bills. Stitches shcmitches. I had the brilliant idea, in my desperation, to take Titus into the bathroom, where no one would see me perform Code Name: Operation Mom. I put my lips around his ear canal area, created an air-tight seal & tried to suck the thing out. That's when it occurred to me that I should probably wash his ears more often. The thing still wouldn't budge. Titus did, however, acquire a lovely hickey inside of his ear. Almost resigned to needing to go to the ER after all (and a little embarrassed about possibly having to explain the ear hickey to the doctor), I took Titus, whose panic was ever-rising, back to class to get the other boys & get ready to leave. Fortunately, his teacher had found some tweezers in the first aid kit, during my absence. It took me 20 seconds flat to get the torn shoe rubber out of his ear canal with those tweezers. Titus was as happy as a mother who had just given birth. Gasping, giggling, laughing and hugging ensued. The poor kid. All ended well. I was able to go back to my group & the kids were able to continue with their class. I really appreciate the preacher's wife, & the other teachers, for all that they do for my children, but I think I might talk to them about buying a trash can for the classroom. ;-)

4 comments:

Misty said...

oh my goodness... kids do do the darnedest things...

So, did you use some Listerine? Maybe a small bottle of that should be placed in said first aid kit, for future ear hickey moments...

My name is Tiffany said...

Hilarious!

Christy said...

I am just now catching up with your blog. Only one of my boys has stuffed something into a cranial opening. When my oldest was 9yo, he complained of something in his ear. Thinking it was a ball of wax, his dad and I took turns trying to get this small object out. Turned out to be a pea gravel rock...that he confessed to having put in his ear when he was FIVE! He never told anyone for fear of having to have surgery to remove it. Needless to say, his future wife is certain to be told that he had rocks in his head!

Lynn said...

Heather!!! Oh my word ... you have a very entertaining way of explaining something that would send most moms into full-on panic mode. Thank you for sharing, and I am so glad it ended well!